the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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