I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
