sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
