I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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