She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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