Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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