He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
