Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
