I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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