So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
