I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
