mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He? As in you personified your dick?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
