pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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