so that wasnt chicken after all
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
