I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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