we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
