some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
