nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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