he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
