I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need a burrito and a hug.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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