whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
