batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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