margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
