i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
