All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
