somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize