the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
