yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
