I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
