We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
