I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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