I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
