At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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