Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
