I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
