Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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