Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
