smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
