I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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