You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
