I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
