uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
