Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will be naked everywhere
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
