I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no, he came in my armpit
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
