Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize