if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
