Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i think we sleep fucked last night...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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