DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize