i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so let's talk penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
