I need help removing her.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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