Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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