John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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