Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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