I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
