My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
