I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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