He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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