you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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