he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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