I didn't shave. On purpose
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
