Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
