Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
