Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize