I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
