she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
