i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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