...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
