Im at strip club and am horny
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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