$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
