I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
