mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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