i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
