I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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