Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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