By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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