So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
