I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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