My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
